A big and complicated question: Is it unreasonable to expect people to be completely honest with you in terms of letting you know that they don't like you? I recently invited several people to my 26th birthday party. While most people replied and were able to come (I ended up having about 35-40 people in attendance!) I was really upset with those people who either didn't reply to my invitation or who gave me inane excuses. Without exaggerating, I know that these people chose not to come because they just don't like me as much as I like them. This is fine with me; we can't all click with and like each other. However, in keeping with my policy on being transparent, I'm of the belief that if someone doesn't like you (and, therefore, doesn't want to spend time with you), they should be blatantly honest about it and tell you.

I realise, however, that this is the hardest thing in the world for people to do. People are afraid that they will hurt your feelings—or something like that. Or, they just don't know what words to choose to let you know they don't like you. Sometimes, a person's sense of self is so dependent on "being a good guy" that he will avoid saying anything that might upset someone. Or, being liked by everyone is so important to him that he would rather string a person along instead of being honest with him. Of course, there is also the person who can't tolerate any conflict or negative emotions (a sign of some sort of psychological issue, but that's another diary entry) that he would rather keep quiet than tell someone he just don't click with them. Given these possibilities, perhaps I should lower my expectations for honesty; just because it is my policy to let people know whether or not I think we click doesn't mean that it should be everyone else's.

On the other hand, the alternative—stringing someone along or just ignoring them—can be more painful for everyone involved. Because of various circumstances, some people aren't sure whether or not someone likes them; so, they assume that there is, indeed, a possibility of a relationship with the other person. In the absence of evidence to the contrary, that person will continue making attempts to interact with the other and will not stop until told to do so. This is particularly problematic when you are interacting with someone who is the "strong, silent type"—a person who is so quiet that you have no idea whether or not they like you. To make the assumption that such a person doesn't like you could be a tremendous loss: the loss of a potentially wonderful lifelong friend. Indeed, I have often assumed that a person didn't like me because he or she wasn't all that responsive to my overtures or invitations, only to be corrected later on and told that I had misinterpreted the situation.

So, given all this, back to the question: Should we be honest with others about what we think of them? Or should we just string them along—or, worse yet, juts ignore them and cause even more confusion? In the end, I think it's for each person to decide on their own. But, because it is my policy to be honest with people, I think I should let them know that ahead of time. That way, they will be encouraged to be honest with me. Because several of the people I invited to my party already knew that this is my policy, I remain disappointed with them that they either didn't tell me once and for all to stop contacting them, or that they gave me lame excuses for not being able to come to my party.