Someone asked me the other day how I can possibly talk about my personal life on this public website. I told her it was simple: I'm a transparent person (or I'm trying really hard to be). She then asked me, "Well, but what about all the mystery? That's part of what makes people attractive and sexy!" Indeed, mystery is sexy and enthralling. But—at least for me—its benefits are largely overshadowed by its pitfalls. Over the last three years, I've found that maintaining a shroud of secrecy and mystery can—while exciting at first—be a real detriment in both meeting people and getting to know them further. Because I'm sometimes misunderstood by people, maintaining any sense of mystery only makes matters worse. It is imperative that I be as frank and open as possible about myself, my life, my personality, etc. in order to avoid misunderstandings—and to let others know that I am not out to hurt them (unfortunately, people are getting more and more untrustworthy and paranoid, and so this is my small way of helping put them at ease).

Even once I already know someone, I still maintain this policy of transparency because being frank and open about how I feel about someone and a given relationship (friendship or otherwise) is critical in avoiding misunderstandings and in connecting with the other person on a deeper level. So, while mystery is great and sexy and all, I'll save it for the romance and mystery novelists. Don't get me wrong—I love mystery just as much as the other person (mystery can be intriguing very sexy). But I'd rather revel in it by reading novels and thinking about fictional detectives :-)

By the way, Sidney Jourard has an interesting book on the topic of transparency: The Transparent Self.

(For more issues on transparency, see my entries of 16 August 2003 and 14 July 2003, and especially my entry of 15 November 2003).